Dear Harriet Walter,
This is me today after managing to miss both breakfast and lunch. Also, I had two classes.
I cannot handle an hour and a half of the alarming professor I mentioned before (that is, the one I've decided to be inwardly belligerent towards, the intimidating enemy-professor; Professor Mine Enemy) on a cup of coffee and a handful of fries (the latter generously donated from Upperclassman Kim's lunch). It is not to be borne. Just...no.
Thankfully he was relatively laid-back today and talked about interesting things, so it could have been much worse.
Whyyyyy does he remind me of Enemy/Sandy/Dr MacRae from Jean Webster's book Dear Enemy? He's not even Scottish. He's a doctor, yes, but not a doctor of medicine, just a doctor of smart things. Gah. My brain makes the weirdest connections sometimes.
And I realized today that I really want to just adore the man, because he's so intelligent and passionate and weird and cool, but he's still intimidating and I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to do well in his class but I really want him to think well of me but I don't know if I can make that happen through effort so really it's too emotionally dangerous to adore the man so I feel like I just need to say "arr hwar gar this is my enemy, damn that Dr S, damn him to bits! I'll show him who's a dimwit who can't keep up with what he requires of us as students!" Except that I'm the one thinking I'm a dimwit and he is probably only conscious of me as a girl who sits in the front row and looks like she's trying really hard to process everything he's saying and blah
I'm just going to stand over here and build complicated one-sided relationships now ok
my brain is like a foggy, sticky labyrinth made of dry twigs and unwashed wool
blaaaahhh fear me