yeah film adaptations

(written at a previous date)

    Dear Harriet Walter,

    I want to write awesome novels. I want to have my awesome novels published. I want Hollywood to approach me with contracts and greed and be like well hello there little missy, can we make your awesome novels into movies/miniseries?

    And then I'll be like sure thing man, but you have to give me consultation/veto rights on the casting k

    and they'll be like hmm, well, maybe, did you have anyone in mind for any particular roles?

    and I'll be like I think Harriet Walter should play So-and-so

    and they'll be like but...So-and-so is a young man with three mohawks and things...

    and I'll be like whateverrr, she can pull it off, don't you have faith in your costumery/makeup department

    and they'll be like uhh, we're not sure that -

    and I'll be like Harriet Walter needs to play What's-her-face, too, if you want to make this at all!

    and they'll be like what? you mean, instead of So-and-so, surely?

    and I'll be like no, we have to cast her in both roles!

    and they'll be like madam, we can't do that! are you really -

    and I'll be like and she should also play Dr Someone!

    and they'll be like ...

    and I'll be like HARRIET WALTER SHOULD PLAY EVERYONE

    and they'll be like Miss, are you feeling all r-

    and I'll be like EEEVERRRRYYYYYOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNEE

    and then I will stick to my terms and keep renewing my copyrights and write very clear instructions into my will and no one will ever make a movie or miniseries based on my novels, which will be just fine by me.

only way to do things right.

      (image linked from here, and let us notice that Dolly Parton also resides in that same photo gallery and seeing her, I would like to thank you, Ms Walter, for not doing unnatural things to your face. And for dressing awesomely. Can we come up with a good, happy word for "wrinkles" that is less degrading and not so phonetically horrible? Because wrinkles in moderation are sexy and distinguished and I wish Ms Parton had allowed them into her life. I tried a thesaurus but only got awful results like "crinkle" and "crease" and "fold", which are obviously unacceptable. And why do people still use the word "crow's-feet" for the wrinkles around one's eyes? Facial crow's-feet don't even look like the feet of crows. I suppose it must be poetic license. Nothing more romantic than the idea of one's face being trampled by grubby, squawking things that look disease-ridden even when they aren't.)

Facebook

(written at a previous date)

    Dear Harriet Walter,

    When I registered on Facebook many months ago my dad recommended that I never show it my heart, or something to that effect. For various reasons.

    I wish my semi-friend - let us call her K - had been given that advice.

    It's embarassing to see people post statuses sagging with angst and whining over how they miss or dream about an indeterminate "you".

    I seriously hope she doesn't wonder why nobody responds to those statuses, because they are of a nature too private for social comment.

     I'll just have to imagine that K is talking to you, Dame Harriet.

    I'm so glad my best friend hasn't gotten into Boy Complications yet. Maybe soon, but not so far.

    (Best Friend is a class act, by the way. She and I once had a heated argument about what the word "gargoyle" meant for about 45 minutes at our pastor's digs because we'd both shown up for youth group too early by accident and had to find a way to pass the time. Three different dictionaries were consulted and she made some very insulting comments as to the relative qualities of said dictionaries, as the one that agreed with her definition was a Merriam-Webster. She nearly exploded with futile rage when I said "But this one is right because it agrees with me!" because I'm a bitch. Eventually we ended up arguing the definition of "definition", but thankfully by then people had arrived and we could get on to the snacks and couch-claiming and interactive sermon.)